Why We Do What We Do

Sometimes as soon as we set our minds to change a behavior, our bodies decide to do the opposite.  For example, we swear up and down that we’re tired of feeling like crap and we’re going to eat healthier.  We tell ourselves “No more sugar, no more fried foods, no more no more, NO MORE.” 

At the moment it feels like nothing could get us to eat another cookie, open a bag of chips, and that can of soda will never touch our lips again.  Sometimes we can fight it for a week or more and sometimes it might only be a couple of hours.  

But it always fails.  We cave. 

                 Why? 

It’s quite simple really.  We are creatures of habit.  

Habits form when a new behavior is repeated then it becomes automatic, and finally completely subconscious. 

Take driving a car for example.  When we learn how to drive we get into the vehicle saying each thing we’re doing out loud.  “Seat belt, car in neutral, key in ignition, adjust mirrors, etc…”  We do this over and over, and soon enough we’re flying down the HWY at 60mph eating a cheeseburger, talking on the phone, and turning our high beams off for the oncoming car at 10pm.  

We do the same thing with food.  We eat food for many different things.  Hunger of course but also for joy, comfort, companionship, to please others, boredom, and sometimes simply because we’re addicted.   When we eat for certain reasons long enough the habit is formed.  Then just like the car, we’re shoving our faces full of Oreos, watching TV, and texting our friends, all an hour after we stuffed ourselves silly with a chicken pot pie dinner.  

Maybe we justify our actions because we worked really hard that day, or we had to deal with people treating us poorly, we’re sick, or injured, or we found out someone close to us is sick, or worse has passed away.  

We eat to soothe our emotions when life gets hard, day in and day out, but one day, we realize we’re doing it even when life is good. It’s officially a habit, completely subconscious. 

I remember the day I realized I was eating crap purely out of habit.  I went into Fred Meyers, straight to the cookie dough.  I soon found myself out in the car ripping open the bag and popping the pre-sized squares in my mouth one after another.  Halfway through the package I looked into the rearview mirror and saw myself.  

Who was that person looking back at me?  I didn’t even recognize her.  What was I doing?  That wasn’t the person I wanted to be.  I honestly didn’t even know how I ended up there in the parking lot shoving my face with cookie dough.  

Thank goodness I understood addiction from my years of AA.  I knew the last thing I was supposed to do was scold, shame, or blame myself.  At that moment I needed to be loved, not by anyone else but loved by me.  

That kindness, compassion, and grace I gave myself that day allowed me to seek out and find how to break habits that I didn’t want anymore.  

I found this simple process.  

• Step 1- Identify the habit you wish to change

• Step 2- Figure out WHY you want to change it

• Step 3- Decide what you will replace your habit with. 

Once a habit is formed the only way to “break” it is to change it.  If we simply try to stop doing it, it’ll never work.  You have to know WHY you want to stop it and WHAT you will replace it with.  

• Step 4- Make it easy to change.  

You are the only one who is responsible for setting yourself up for success or failure.  An example would be:  You’re trying to break the habit of watching TV during the daytime.  You decide your WHY is because you’d like to read more so you’ll replace your leisure time with a good book rather than watching TV.  But here’s the kicker, if you leave the TV remote & your book right next to the chair 100% of the time you’ll grab the remote and find yourself zoned out on the ol boob tube.  

The trick is, in the morning when you’ve got a lot of willpower and no desire to watch TV,  take the remote and put it next to your pajamas in your bedroom.  That way when you come in later and sit down the book is easier to access than the remote and you’ll feel very proud of yourself for doing what you told yourself you’d do.  Repeat this multiple times and eventually you’ll be able to have the remote there and you’ll choose the book. 

The same steps can be taken with food.  

If you’re going out for lunch with friends, have a few hard-boiled eggs beforehand and you’ll find it easier to order a light meal.   

Going to a holiday event with lots of tempting foods.  Make sure you get in a high-fat/protein breakfast

Wanting to quit sugar? Drink more kefir & fermented foods which help control the candida yeast in your gut and curb the sugar cravings.  

The more you do the new behavior the easier it will be to override the old habit.  Then one day you’ll do it automatically.  You won’t even think about grabbing the eggs or kefier you’ll just do it.  Make sure, when this happens you give yourself a pat on the back because YOU were the reason for the success.  

It’s best to change ONE habit at a time.   Pick an easy one to start, build your self-confidence, and then try a more challenging one.   A fun one is to try brushing your teeth with the opposite hand.  Then you can see how hard wire we really are.  Start by putting your toothbrush on the other side of the sink.

There is only 1 rule in changing habits.  You’re not allowed to talk bad to yourself. Give yourself grace, compassion, and kindness through it all.  Notice your accomplishments and be proud of even the little progress.  Sometimes that could simply be noticing that you’re eating out of habit, even if you continue to do it.  Just keep noticing and keep telling yourself “Good job for noticing.” Eventually, you’ll adapt to the new habit.  

This is a journey, not a race.